too many 69's

one more fucking exam. i've down graded from a possible 4.0, to a possible 3.6. damn it. what ever, it's still deans list. fuck school. i talked to jose for like a good 2 hours today. that was nice, because i haven't talked to him 1 on 1 in awhile. scott was at the bar. but we talked about how much scott is fucking up, and we are worried about him. apparently he hasn't gone to any of his classes since the beginning of october. yo, wtf. i would wake up everyday during his class times, just to encourage him to go to class. he would come up with a lie every time about how he didn't have to go that day. i even made him a study guide for one of his exams. he lied and said he studied, and then didn't even go to the final. whatever. you can take a horse to the pond, but you can't make it drink .

scott reminds me of my sister. i'm super confused about my sisters situation though. like i don't know what it's like to go through heroin withdraw, so it's hard to push her to get off the methadone program. she told me that she would rather die, live a whole 2nd life, and then die again, then to go through heroin withdraw again. so it's sounds pretty insane.

but she's only awake for 4 out of the 7 days a week. and she's only up to feed her bunnies, and to get her next weeks dose of methadone. so it's like she's not even living anyways. so is it worth being on methadone? i just feel like she needs that one little push from someone. well if my fucking parents weren't divorced, my father would be more forceful with her situation (since his brother was an ex heroin addict as well), and make her get off the program within a certain deadline. i don't know if that would be a good approach though. but hey, look at the bright side, she's not doing heroin on the streets. at least she's safe.

holy fuck, to make matters worse, my dad was like christmas eve carl and lisa are coming over to dinner, and i would really like for you to come too. wellllllllllll, we have king crabs legs at mom's house every christmas eve! you know this, because you lived here two years ago. i told this too him too. he was like "this is just the way i'm doing it. but i won't be hurt if you decide to eat with your mother instead". after i ended the conversation in a nice manner, i started freaking out. i hate the whole concept of "choosing" which parent to eat with. i knew if i called my mom to ask her, she would start crying. my plan is to either try to convince one of them to eat at an earlier time, or just freak the fuck out and go in some woods and take pictures. i just hope they both end up happy. i don't really care how much schlepping i have to do, as long as they are both happy.

wow, i'm sorry this shit is depressing as shit. don't worry. i'm super happy right now. and very thankful.

1Loves x69

niels and i agreed to write a happy post

TODAY I SPENT 13 HOURS IN THE GIS LAB! I FUCKING LOVE IT! i love being stressed. it's being stressed, which makes appreciate the joy of relaxing when i finish whatever it is making me stressed. i wrote a 21 paper paper yesterday and a 20 page lab report all today, while i was in the GIS lab! now i have 2 more to do, which are due friday! i can't wait! i love it. i'm glad the professor who teaches 2 of my courses moved in the middle of the semester to alaska, to take a better job. now after the cluster fuck of a semester we had with his classes this semester, he gives us the beautiful gift of essay, lab reports, and take home exams the week before finals. he's awfully generous. i can't wait to work on them. once i get finished with all the work due this friday, i finally get to start studying for finals! the moment i've been waiting for all semester.

at least my quaternary geomorphology professor is working really hard with me on my svalbard application. I hope that ends up working out. i've been getting screwed with my summer plans so far. but either way, i'll be happy. i'm thankful for just living in a non poverty area. what more could i ask for? plus all my friends are in gaithersburg. i'll be happy no matter what. life will put me in the place that i truly belong. and no matter what it is, i'll be thankful for it.

it's 10pm. i'm about to go to bed. 8am class tomorrow, then writing a bunch of papers. i can't wait! i think this will be my first post that doesn't offend anyone.

i wish flight of the conchords was on right now.

dear reader,

i love you.

love,

peter

1Love

i'm so unmanly

war, ufc, fighting, etc... why do people choose to kill/harm others? how can people get joy from hurting/ seeing another person get hurt? i'll never understand how fighting became entertainment. i must be different from most guys, because when i see people get into a fight, not only am i not entertained, but i get a really bad feeling in my stomach, i feel sick.

i smoked a black and mild with this guy who just got back from iraq a week or two ago. i asked him many questions. i had never met someone who has actually killed someone in iraq before. he killed 2 people. he said they would run into houses and just shot everyone in it, looking for just a few people. he explained killing the people he shot like it was the most awesome thing he had ever done. he claimed he wish he shot more. i was so confused. i didn't understand why he was so excited about this. am i missing something? why is killing in war different than murder? i see no difference. it's just at a larger scale. america is the biggest cereal killer to walk the earth.

the next day this kid tried to commit suicide. i felt very upset. he was drunk when i was talking to him. he talked about this a little bit, but in a joking matter. he said he had to go back to iraq in a few months, and didn't want to go. i didn't know why he hated iraq so much, but loved killing them. maybe it all got to him. i felt bad because i asked him a lot of questions. maybe i brought up something he didn't want to talk. but listen to this... he jumped off a bridge, but his foot got stuck, and the cops found him. like wtf. i'm still weirded out from the situation. at least he's still alive.

i think it's time for me to move to iceland. they don't even have a military. i think that's the only way to go. why should any country have a military? no one should ever, ever feel the need to hurt or kill ANYONE, in my opinion.

"everybody should like everybody" -Andy Warhol

stupid systems

why does the federal government have the EPA (environmental protection agency) and the HHS (department of health and human services)?? i thought humans are part of the natural environment. so why do people get prioritized to have their own agency apart from the environment, like people are more important than everything else or something? i think that's why protecting the environment has failed so badly with humanity. people can't be #1 and the environment can't be #2. there shouldn't even be a hierarchy. there should just be: the environment. people are a part of it too, but there's no reason to prioritize us. we are no more important than grass.

life existed on earth for over 550 million years, and has been just fine. it wasn't until a few thousand years ago, when modern humans came, that started to fuck up the whole ecosystem. it has only been our selfish logic, which has let us to be the bully of the earth.

i hope one day we can change the way people think about the environment, and perhaps then people will understand the importance everything else is in the world.

prettay prettay smart

it's not even like that big of a deal or all, but this has never happened to me before, so for me it meant a lot.

ok, so last thursday i was in my room, and scott had some frat brother over our apartment to smoke. he was showing him around and what not, but when he got to my side of the apartment, he was like "this is pete's room. he's real smart. he studies all the time"

i told you it wasn't that big of a deal.

but i've never been considered the "smart person"

i know it's scott

but still

it just meant a lot to me, just knowing that people considered me as a smart person.

not that i care what other people think about me

oh shit.

last night i watched into the wild.

it's a really good movie.

it kinda freaks me out though.

all i saw was my parents that acted exactly like the main characters parents

and myself, as the main character.

and it's crazy because i've thought about just leaving to go live in the wild and not care about any stupid humanity shit.

if you know me well as a person, you will know that i always talk about wishing to be a wild animal, and not having to care about school, politics, dating, etc...

luckily guys, i'll probably never end up leaving.

i'm way too much of a pussy.

i went off topic. all i originally wanted to write about was how scott introduced me as "real smart"

alright alright alright

i'm going to do some studying while watching this new series i have "amazing planet" it's some good nat geo shit, bruhhhhhhhhhhh

1Love

confused

i don't understand why i get so lonely. i have 2 room mates that are literally 10 feet away, and other friends that i could just call, and would hang out with me in a heart beat. but i just don't feel calling anyone.

am i depressed?

i could be.

to be honest, i don't really know what the difference is between being depressed and being sad. is there even a difference? is depression just being sad all the time?

but i'm not sad, just lonely.

maybe i need a girlfriend.

wait, cross that. initials e.d. kinda ruined me wanting to have a girlfriend anymore.

unless the girl can prove to me that i wont lose my individuality, i'm not down.

i like being single. but why am i always so fucking lonely?

maybe because my schools is rural and there is literally nothing to fucking do??

i'm gonna accept that. i blame my school.

lol this makes me feel even more connected to albert einstein, with his quote... "why is it that i'm so popular worldwide, but still so lonely?"

that's how i feel, minus the worldwide popularity.

i'm gonna buy his book from amazon, and learn how to reject what we think consider reality even more.

1Love

this current tuesday's tuesday morning

my room mates were loud the night before with their new video game they got at midnight, so i didn't fall completely asleep until like 4am.

my 1st alarm goes off at 5:15.

I turn the 5 alarms that would of gone off between 5:15 and 6:15, and fall back asleep.

my next alarm goes off at 6:15

i snooze until 6:45. i don't care how loud my alarm is to my room mates, they kept me up all night when they knew i had an 8am class.

at 6:45 i grab my phone and look at facebook status's until i feel i'm actually ready to pull my lanky ass out of bed.

it's 6:50 when i decide to get out of bed, i open my closet to throw the underwear i wore to bed and the sock off the floor that i cummed in the previous night, into my hamper.

i grab a towel and walk straight to my shower.

i turn my shower on, and i instantly have to go pee.

i don't know why, but instead of peeing in the toilet, i hold it while dancing up and down until the water gets hot enough.

i start peeing not right when i get in the shower, but while i'm getting in the shower, and i get a little on my shower curtain. this pisses me off a lot, and i make note to make sure i get soap on that area as i clean myself.

i apply shampoo.

it's not until after i shampoo my hair when i do my heavy thinking.

after about 10 minutes or so of heavy thinking, i re-apply shampoo. Although knowing i already did, my OCD has a greater impact on me than trusting my memory.

i realize this shower is taking too long.

i quickly put on conditioner, followed by body wash.

i make sure i get that area i peed on my curtain to be covered in soap.

i turn off my shower and dry off. my towel smells like bleach. i love that smell.

once dry, i hang my towel up and walk out of my bathroom naked.

while naked...

i put hair product on

brush my teeth

use mouth wash

check my email

and chug a boost from the fridge.

i could careless if anyone sees me naked, especially my room mates. they are way passed used to seeing me naked.

i don't put underwear on until i sit down on my computer chair

i sit down and go on facebook.

i send niels a picture and realize it's around 7:15

i close my computer, knowing that once i close it at any time, it automatically turns a password on, so it's safe from my room mates trying to steal my videos of any sort.

i then put deodorant on, followed by 2 shots of tommy hilfiger smell on my lower neck.

i put a pair of ankle socks on next

i then pick out which shirt will go best with the brown cords i want to wear today.

i don't put the cords on yet, because if i find a really good shirt that goes better with different pants, then i'll go with that.

i end up finding my navy blue v neck, that of which i decide goes well enough with the brown cords.

i don't know why i care about my shirt so much. i already know i'm going to be wearing a sweat shirt over it the whole day anyways.

i put my outfit on, followed by a dark grey hoodie, and my blue shoes

a throw a bottle of water in my backpack, and look at the time, 7:30.

perfect timing.

i leave my apartment and walk to class knowing i'll get there at 7:45 and i'll be the 1st one there until around 7:50.

i like that feeling.

and not even to show the teacher i care, because he doesn't get there until more people are there anyways. i just like that alone time in the room to settle in, get my notes, packets, and textbook out, take a sip of water, and make the choice of looking of the reading from the previous nights, or play around on my iphone. since we didn't have any readings given from the last class, i play on my iphone.

i play tris (tetris).

to me, this is very metatetive.

it gets my mind no thinking so hard for once.

i don't stop playing until class actually starts at 8:00.

i guess you could say it's a defense mechanism, as well, since i don't really know too many people in that class to talk to.

class then starts, and i no longer consider it the morning.

1LOVE x69

last weekend

i had a very interesting weekend. i'll try my best to walk through it step by step.

ok, it started on thursday, since one of teachers quite, i don't have class on fridays anymore.

so after my last class on thursday (around 4pm) i drove home.

i got home around 6ish, and just hung out with my mom and sister the rest of the night.

my mom cooked artichokes :)!!!!!!!!!! like my alll time favorite, and she also cooked this lamb roast, which was exquisite.

my sister never actually made it downstairs in time to see me before i went to bed. she was awake, but it takes her literally 3-7 hours to get dressed, brush her teeth, wash her hands, kill any bugs she sees (while saying "DIE DIE" as she squishes them) and sanitize anything she feels is dirty (which is usually everything in her bathroom).

as i finally go to sleep that night, i'm awakened by my sister's loud antics, while she's oblivious to everyone else sleeping in the house.

all i hear is "Puddy" (how she says polly), "Momma!" (just like a helpless little girl crying for her mom to bring her food), or "Scarrrrrrrrrrra" (how she says her Guinea Pig's name, Sara).

the next day, friday, i don't wake up until around 4pm. i check my phone to realize my dad had called me several times to see if i'm going to some event of his, other than this fucked up "life warming" party on saturday. i just texted him saying sorry i couldn't make it. by the time i take a shower, masterbate, take 2 poops, eat a shit load of food, and masterbate again, my mom comes home.

i help her make pizza. the pizza was really good. she uses these italian sausages from trader joe's that are sooooooooo good.

we eat the pizza while watching forgetting sarah marshall. (my sister fast asleep during all of this from being awake for a whole 7 hours in the middle of the night.

while watching the movie, i'm getting constantly called by niels, kris, and salimatu.

it was wasn't that i didn't want to talk, but the fact that i wanted to hang out with my mom as much as i could before i went to niels's house in cp that same night.

once the movie is over, i head over to niels's house

while driving, i call my dad and kris. i tell my dad sorry again for not making it tonight and asking him what time to go to his party on saturday, since i never looked at the paper.

i tell kris i'll try my best to visit her and salimatu on campus, even though i know i'm going to have to pick up emily from her house with niels and then start drinking right away.

little did i know, kris was planing on coming to niels house once i came to visit everyone on campus. so i fucked up on that part. sorry kris, i didn't know.

anyways, i make it to niels house and ryan saar, colin, lily, some girl i don't know, elizabeth i think, emily olsen, and niels are there. ryan and elizabeth are already drunk, and aparently colin doesn't drink at all anymore. i'm sure he's joking though. there is no way colin wolud just stop like that.

well niels and i start taking shots right away. i take 4 real fast by myself before niels is able to get his 1st one poured. we take like 2 together with emily next.

now tipsy, i start acting my usual out of control/gay self.

here is a list of gay things i end up doing this night

1 kiss on the lips every guy there

2 tongue kiss niels

3 ryan's bare penis was placed in my hand

4 various drunk 69 wrestling with niels and ryan (lol we smacked his naked body so hard)

now all of the sudden colin and lily have to leave, and they take ryan with them. niels are emily are no where to be found. i call and text both of them to see if they are ok, but no answer. even though i cared a lot, i was too drunk to care my fullest. so i end up taking more shots by myself. i lay down on the couch while watching so rap videos on-demand, when elizabeth comes almost stumbling out, to fall on the couch right next to me. at this point i might as well of been blacked out, because apparently we hooked up, but i have no recognition of this ever happening. lol i'm sorry if you ever read this, elizabeth.

anyways, the fact that i don't remember doesn't bother me, nor the fact that i probably would not of hooked up with ever sober. i've made way worse decisions with girls when i'm drunk before.

to be honest, i was much more fazed by how gay i acted. that was by far the gayest i've ever acted.

anyways, i wake up on colins bed, and am extremely disgusted. being his old room mate, i know what happens to his bed. i get up right away and continue sleeping on the couch.

i wake up around 11, and let niels (who happened to be in the basement the whole time i was worried) and everyone else know i have to head home, and then i take off.

i throw up out my window, while i'm driving on the way home.

this has never happened to me before. i actually think it was from a shit load of pizza i ate real fast in the morning, rather than from being hungover.

once i get home, i go straight to my bed and go back to sleep. i wake up around 4pm again.

i talk to my mom as much as i can. i find out she's going to see an orchestra at strathmore. yes! this makes me so happy, knowing that while i'm at my dad's party, she will be doing something she loves away from staying depressed while at home. i'm very happy.

she ends up leaving for that before i leave for my dads party. she always looks so beautiful when she goes to these events.

once she goes, i leave shortly later.

oh, i must add that my sister is still fast asleep here. she must of been up for a few hours while i was at niels house, so i'm sure she's beat from all the work she had to do (consisting of feeding her bunnies and herself).

i get to my dad's house about 45 minutes late. i didn't really care about being late to this.

i get there and realize i'm super under dressed lol. everyone is wearing dresses and suits and ties. i laughed little bit when i realized this. i'm wearing cords and a v neck lol.

there are probably like 100 people at this party. most are beths family and friends. my grand parents where there though! i was so excited to see them! i haven't seem them in like a year (a long time for me). i give both of them a big hug. lol my grand father took his hearing aids out the whole party so he wouldn't hear anything. haha, what a great idea!

i spend most of my time with my brother and his wife lisa. i look up to both of them a lot. i find out lisa had quite a crazy night as well, the night before.

we carrying on to make fun of ridiculous outfits people are wearing, as well has how big my dad and beth's house is for just the two of them, it's so ridiculous. not to mention there is not a bit of individuality. lol, every single room is the same off white color. my brother and lisa always find that extremely amusing. but hey, my dad's happy, and despite how much more i'm there for my mom, at least i know my dad id living a happy life. i'm so glad that i live with my mom though; not to mention where every room is a different and unique bold color. they vary from being very warm, to very cool and fun.

anyways, i leave my dads place at around 10ish, and head straight to niels's house in gaithersburg. this is by far the highlight of my weekend.

andy hood, spiros, courtney, lila, kris, niels, adrian, and wes are there! whaaaaaaat! just seeing everyone together like that made me feel very very happy. it just reminds me that i have great friends that still exist, outside of my boring walled off frostburg life.

we watch like 5 episodes of curb!

wes goes home first, followed by adrian and myself at around 1:30am. gwendy was very happy to see me aswell. it was great seeing her. i ate like 15 lollipops while i am there, too. kirs complimented me for how i smelled, my shoes, and my outfit. all 3 were great boosts of confidence for me. it also helps me not lose my urban style while i'm at frostburg for long periods of time. thank you kris! your compliments always mean more then you think.

i get home, and my sister is finally awake. i say hello, and she starts telling me some story about one of her bunnies jumping, or something like that. I just say cool, since i'm exhausted at this point.

my mom still isn't home yet. she's so cool.

she get's home around 2am. she said she went to grab a drink with some guy after the show. good for her!

we chat a little, and both explain to my sister the reason why we are going to bed, since she is obnoxiously asking the both of us why we are going to bed right when we get home, without hanging out with her. we explain that we woke up like normal people and 2am is far past when anyone should still be awake. my sister doesn't really understand. i just close my door and pass right out.

30 minutes later, i'm awakened by texts from my room mate scott.

here is what they say:

scott: "peteeeeeeeee i'm sorrry, man. i brought a girl home the other night and we both puked over everything, all over the apartment"

me:"SCOTT WTF DID YOU FUCKING DO??!? SHIT DIDN'T GET ON MY SIDE OF THE APARTMENT OR IN MY BATHROOM, RIGHT???!?!"

scott: "fuck you, man. it got over fucking EVERYTHING, and i got fined $200 to have the cleaning people clean it all"

me: oh my fucking god dude. i'm going to bed. i'll deal with your non respectful ass tomorrow.

I then pass out.

i wake up at around 9am

my mom made a bunch of pancakes, and bacon! we eat breakfeast together and watch the many birds outside. we even get to see a coopers hawk, right in our backyard. vary rare!

she packs me up some food, and i head back to school, and she heads out to yoga. my sister is very asleep this early in the morning. i just told my mom to tell her i said bye.

i get to school around noon.

as i'm walking through my apartment buildings hallway, i'm so nervous to see my apartment, and how much scott fucked up.

i walk in to see everything looking perfectly fine. ok cool.

scott's awake and he said that they had to use 3 things of bleach and it took 5 hours to clean all the puke out of the apartment. i ask him if him of this girl puked in my bathroom. he said he did all over.

ohhhhhhh my god. where they seriously that drunk?? how unresponsible can one person be??

i clean my bathroom with lysol, even though it "looks" clean, i know it's not clean to my standards.

so i clean that for like 20 minutes.

i see a couple of my friends of playing beach volleyball in the courtyard of my apartment building.

i join them.

although, it's fustrating playing volleyball with people who don't know how to play, i still had a lot of fun.

i go back inside and shower all the sand off me.

i then to go to this lake in forstburg to take pictures. i get a couple good shots of a beautiful sun set. all the people i see there, are always nothing but extremely nice to me. everyone waves to me, and a few old nature loving couples even stopped to talk to me about various things in nature they were interested in. i tend to know a lot about all nature, so i usually can have a conversation about just about anything in the subject.

i head back to my apartment once it's dark.

jose gets home around 7pm

he's actually more pissed about how unrespectful scott was over the weekend, because scott pried open his door and messed around in what jose thought was locked, room.

the rest of the night is boring.

i got to bed early and wake up early the next day.

i'm sorry this is the most boring blog i've ever written.

i took a different approach to writing this one.

this was more what i PHYSICALLY did, rather than how i emotionally/mentally feel in my mind.

if you actually read all of this, i'm sorry i suck.

1LOVE!!!

take the stairs

fucking pisses me off so much when i see either fat fucks, preppy bitchs, or anyone else who have two fucking legs that work, taking the elevator to get to the 3rd floor of my apartment building. how lazy and ungrateful can someone be, that they need a machine to take them to the 3rd fucking floor?!?

if anyone of these lazy elevator riders were to ever be put in a wheelchair, i promise that if they were ever able to walk again, they would be so solely appreciative of their ability to walk, that they would go out of their way to find stairs, instead of taking elevators.

those 2 girls across the hall from me, take the elevator every fucking time! like wtf. when i used to be kinda cool with them, and we would be walking out of our apartment together, they would always try to make me take the elevator with them. i never did. i'm glad i didn't either. lol i made them take the stairs with me once, and they complained the whole way up (only 3 floors).

i have no idea what i'm trying to get at here...

i guess, just be thankful for the things we take for granted everyday.

be a leader and take the stairs every opportunity you can. you never know when you wont have the ability to make this choice...

lol i like that say anything makes fun of crap bands

there are babies with guns beheading their friends in shopping malls around the world. yet somehow the kings of leon still have time to write songs about girls. i don't suck much less. at least those dudes have no illusions of angst and hopelessness.

-mara and me

"do better"

drink alone and watch tv. you're expecting harmonies to tap your tune with silver spoons, anthem of impending doom. guiding satan's steady hand. forcing beatles to disband. it's ego freaks and drama queens. the young at heart know what i mean.

my boy albert einstein

i recently realized the identical intellectual similarities behind albert einstein's and my own thoughts. it amazes me that i was just pondering these same ideas...

"I do not believe in immortality of the individual, and I consider ethics to be an exclusively human concern with no superhuman authority behind it."

"I am a deeply religious nonbeliever - this is a somewhat new kind of religion."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

"Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death. "

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity. "

"Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better. "

"Morality is of the highest importance - but for us, not for God. "

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. "

"The environment is everything that isn't me. "

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. "

"True religion is real living; living with all one's soul, with all one's goodness and righteousness. "

"We still do not know one thousandth of one percent of what nature has revealed to us. "

and my favorites and what i find most similar to my own thoughts...

1. "I'm not an atheist. The problem involved is too vast for our limited minds. We are in the position of a little child entering a huge library filled with books in many languages. The child knows someone must have written those books. It does not know how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. The child dimly suspects a mysterious order in the arrangement of the books but doesn't know what it is. That, it seems to me, is the attitude of even the most intelligent human being toward God. We see the universe marvelously arranged and obeying certain laws but only dimly understand these laws."

2. "As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."

happy

my mind is such a cluster fuck. i'm tired of my classes being so deep thinking. it can get very depressing. likeeeeeeeee all i pretty much learn about is how much the human race sucks so much dick. i mean humans do suck pretty hardcore, but it's the simple things that i'm going to start doing again, which make me happy. like skateboarding. i miss that shit. and when i skate, i don't have a fucking care in the world, and i'm not hating anyone. i need to save the hatred for humans, but also continue to enjoy the finer things in life that make me sane.

besides, i think the reason of life is to find happiness. so whatever that may be for me, i'm going to find it.

here's how i see myself completely happy and satisfied with life in the future...

-living in a row house in an urban environment

-i have a cool science related job where i don't have to deal with a lot of people, like NOAA or USGS. orrrrrr i would take being a lobbyist for some sort of environmental organization like the sierra club or the epa, or something like that.

-having a relationship/ being married is not important to me. I would be happy single or married

-i want my city that i live in close to nature. so i'm thinking like boulder, co. or denver. maybe somewhere in oregon. i'm not sure. i would settle on boston or new york, as long as i live near by central park or a big type of park along the same lines.

-i want to have my phd. and i will of wanted to go to a grad school that i can be proud to speak of. like i wanna hang my colleges flag out my window and be proud of it.

-i want to live in walking distances to unique coffee shops and cool places like that.

lol, after reading what i want to be happy, it seems like all i truly want is to live in the perfect city. i will find it. i don't care if it's not in the united states. i'm planning on moving to that city 1st, then finding my carrier there. i'm not going to take whatever job is thrown at me once i'm done with school. if i'm not going to be happy, what's the point. the mission in life is to find happiness, and i'll only find it in my perfect living environment.

so can you guys help me find this place i'm searching of???????? i feel like it is boulder, just from what i've heard from the lykke family.

learning icelandic

ok, so i found out about this icelandic band, SIGUR ROS, and i'm totally hooked. i can't get enough of them. specifically the songs "hoppipolla" and "staralfur" . if you haven't heard this, please go look them up on youtube. like last night i didn't want to go to sleep, because then i would of had to stop listening to them.

my geomorphology exam today was nooooooooot chillin at all today. 70 minutes to do 20 essay. each essay had to have a labeled picture or graph, advantages and disadvantages, 2 examples, the person who figured out the process & when, and the actual answer to the fucking question. it's what ever though. i actually finished the whole thing. barely. i was one of 2 people who did. like when he said "ok, and stop" the rest of the class was freaking the fuck out. like the only reason why i finished was because from the minute we started, up to the very last second, i didn't stop writing. i didn't stop to think about it. i read the question and started writing right away while i developed the answer as i wrote. i only knew to do that because i had this professor before.

go listen to sigur ros though. they are said to be the radiohead of iceland.

Racism

my thoughts while i was taking a shit this morning...

our society is still racist. in no way shape or form have we grown out of it. when obama became president, he didn't just become the 44th president, he became the 1st black president. ummmmm ok. sure, we have made it far enough to elect a black president, but we still identify him differently then all the others. there should not of been a big deal about him being black. it should of just been "oh shit, this is a really fucking good guy". if our society wasn't racist, we would of just said "here is our 44th president, an amazing fucking guy". him being black should have nothing to do with anything.

at least we were able to elect him though. it's a big step for america.

1love

thoughts on life

ughhh... so i had my 2nd exam in surface water hydrology today, and i think i did just alright. i'm pretty pissed about how i did. i wont let it bother me too much though. like this professor never explains what's going to be on the exam correctly. he said to concentrate on all the shit we learned in lecture, but to also like skim over 4 chapters from our textbook, because a few multiple choice questions will be from the book. well....... that was a lie. every single multiple choice question was from the book, and in great detail too. it's cool, i know i crushed the essay half of the exam. and i got most of the multiple choice right. i'll probably get a "b", but i'm trying to join the international geological honors society, so i need to get my average gpa to at least 3.3. i'm only at like 2.9 at the moment, so i need to get like straight a's this semester, because i'm already a 3rd year, and it will take a lot to bring my average up.

i have my 20 page lab report in hydrology due monday too. also, an exam in meteorology on tuesday and an exam in historical geology thursday. plus niels, kris, and emily are coming to visit this weekend, so i'm only gonna work on shit on sunday after they have left. i can't wait for them to come over though. i'm really excited for them to see how i live while i'm at school. to be honest, i think they are going to get really bored visiting. what is there to do here? no too much. i'm going to try my best to keep them occupied though. i hope it's going to be nice on saturday, because i want to take them to see cool nature shit. that's really all frostburg has to offer. people can look at frostburg in 2 different ways. one way is that people love it because it has everything. and another way is that people hate it because it has nothing. the only difference is what people consider "nothing". see, it's obvious that the people that say frostburg is great because it has everything are right, because it does have a lot to offer, a lot of nature, beautiful views, exotic wildlife, wild terrain, and preserved wilderness. but it's also easy to say frostburg has nothing and it sucks here. but that is only in terms of social ideals. see, this is also true. if you want to go to hang out somewhere, you can't because there is literally no where to fucking go. there are no good malls, no good shopping, no nice restaurants, no where to chill on the weekends, no urban life in general. so it really just depends on what your preferences are. it is too bad though that the majority of people tend to dislike it, because of the non social aspect here.

with me, i go both ways. i love the nature, but hate having no where to hang out. the reason i dislike it here is because they can't seem to find a moderate blend of the two of my needs. urban and nature. does such a place exist? duhhhhhhhh boulder, colorado. maybe even some parts of denver. it's a fucking city with the mountains right fucking there! i want to live there. i've never been, but i know i would fit in perfectly.

"Idealism is the philosophical theory that maintains that the ultimate nature of reality is based on mind or ideas. It holds that the so-called external or "real world" is inseparable from mind, consciousness, or perception."

i've recently been thinking very deeply about views of life using idealist thinking. i find my self very much so an idealist. it's funny how quantum physics justifies idealism and not realism. you would think that the nature of science is only of facts, but that's exactly why quantum physics justifies it. i wonder if keith lykke is an idealist. i bet he is. i really enjoy my science talks on deck that i have with him when i get bored from watching niels play video games (no offense, i love watching niels play). but like how could someone not have an idealistic mind set? that doesn't really make any sense to me. seriously, why don't people think about life as much as me? ok, try this, everyone, set back and just think. hard. about what life is. it's complexities. they way things work. evolution. the life span of the earth (4.6 billion years old) (modern humans = only a couple thousand). then think about how small that 4.6 billion years is compared to the lifetime of our galaxy, then compare that age to the universe. it's so fucking big. but then what? is the universe infinite? is there an edge of the universe? just like people thought in the middle ages, where if you sailed off the edge of the world you would get eaten by monsters. there is obviously no an edge of the universe. so is it infinite? like, what if our entire universe is just like a mirco-sized bacteria almost for an even bigger planet, in an even bigger galaxy, which is in an even bigger universe? who knows? no one will ever know.

knowing what i've just said, it does not in anyway prove that life is infinite, it proves that humans don't have the capability of knowing that answer. we could just be some fucking test in some aliens test tube. who the fuck knows. it's impossible to know. it truely is. this is where idealism comes in. no body fucking knows anything really! our minds are just based off what we are able to know. all we know is we live on earth and we are humans. sure we can explain the earth pretty damn well, and hell, even travel to the fucking moon. but that's nothing really. are you with me here? are you following me? ok, the human mind isn't able to process something that it doesn't know. for example. color. we "know" that there are what, like 7 main colors? fucking red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. sure they all mix together and you can even add white or black, and you can make a shit load of colors. but hear me out. now, try to think of an entirely new color that you have never ever seen before, it doesn't even exist on earth but you know somewhere out there it exist. just try. try to visualize this "new" color... haha, you fucking can't! so there are 7 colors, right? well fucking maybe! that's all we really know. but that's all we will ever know because our minds can't process what we don't know. see, for all we know, that color you were trying to think of, might actually exist! fuck, it might even exist on earth. but you will never be able to see it, because your mind can't process something it does not know.

this is a very interesting example.

here is another. aliens. we see them in movies. tv shows. books... etc. but we don't really know what they look like if they even do exist (which they must by the way). well, unless they look exactly like what we see in movies, we wont ever get to see them. maybe fucking aliens live right here on earth with us. but these aliens aren't a fucking solid, liquid, gas, or a plasma. they are something totally new. some new material we didn't even know existed. our minds can't process that shit, man. what does this new type of alien material look like? ummmm i don't know. maybe because i can't know. human minds are held back by such great limitations. what we know exists is only what our minds allow us to see exist.

ok, so you have an ant (insect). that ant lives its whole life in its ant hill underground. that ant doesn't realize how big the universe is, let alone how big the earth even is. hell, that one fucking ant doesn't even know how big 3 feet is. for all that ant knows, its whole life, its whole world, is that little ant hill. see, humans are just that ant, but to an even bigger scale.

i told you i think about life more than most people. i think everyone should take an hour out of their day, everyday, to just think about the complexities of everything...

life is a lot more interesting then you think. just keep on asking yourself what is even real? because we really don't know.

it's a good thing i didn't bring up religion in my rambling. but i think it's pretty obviously religions role is on this mind set...

i think it would be obvious. god? a "a higher being". in know way would i ever deny the existence of a god. but to believe that you know one exist... is just so fucking ridiculous. i'm pretty sure i made it very clear that what our minds can't process, our minds can't fucking process. god is one of those ideas like my theory of a brand new color. maybe a shit load of different colors exist that humans have never seen, or maybe they don't. but we will never know this. we are only capable of seeing our main rainbow colors. so maybe a god exist. in no way would i ever deny this, but in no way would i ever think we have the capability of knowing for sure one exists. it's impossible to know that question. this is why i remain an agnostic. not an atheist. like a true agnostic would say if someone asks them if a god exists... no one knows.

OMGOMGOMGOMGGMOGMOGMOGOMOGOMGOOMGMGOMOGO!!!!!!!!!!!! NIELS KRIS EMILY ARE COMING SOOOOOO SOOON!!! I'M SOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!! GONNA 69 THE SHIT OUT OF NIELS TONIGHT. BUY EVERYONE PIZZA. RAGE THE FUCK OUT. ACT GAY AND STUPID. KISS NIELS ON THE LIPS. AND BE HAPPY AS SHIT TO SEE MY FRIENDS FROM BACK HOME.

ONE LOVE

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RELIGION AND POLITICS

PEACE!

can't sleep

when you blow into liquid soap, it makes a bubble. when that bubble pops, it makes a noise. where did this noise come from? was the soap in liquid form carrying this noise the whole time? how can this occurrence be explained? yes, it is obvious that every time a bubble breaks, it makes a popping sound. but where the fuck did this sound come from? it is obvious that liquid soap when broken, makes no such popping sound. why? they are the same thing. the liquid soap must be carrying this popping the noise all the times, just waiting for itself to turn into a bubble to make this noise, right? no one knows. it's unexplainable. think about it...

I'm so cool