stupid systems

why does the federal government have the EPA (environmental protection agency) and the HHS (department of health and human services)?? i thought humans are part of the natural environment. so why do people get prioritized to have their own agency apart from the environment, like people are more important than everything else or something? i think that's why protecting the environment has failed so badly with humanity. people can't be #1 and the environment can't be #2. there shouldn't even be a hierarchy. there should just be: the environment. people are a part of it too, but there's no reason to prioritize us. we are no more important than grass.

life existed on earth for over 550 million years, and has been just fine. it wasn't until a few thousand years ago, when modern humans came, that started to fuck up the whole ecosystem. it has only been our selfish logic, which has let us to be the bully of the earth.

i hope one day we can change the way people think about the environment, and perhaps then people will understand the importance everything else is in the world.

prettay prettay smart

it's not even like that big of a deal or all, but this has never happened to me before, so for me it meant a lot.

ok, so last thursday i was in my room, and scott had some frat brother over our apartment to smoke. he was showing him around and what not, but when he got to my side of the apartment, he was like "this is pete's room. he's real smart. he studies all the time"

i told you it wasn't that big of a deal.

but i've never been considered the "smart person"

i know it's scott

but still

it just meant a lot to me, just knowing that people considered me as a smart person.

not that i care what other people think about me

oh shit.

last night i watched into the wild.

it's a really good movie.

it kinda freaks me out though.

all i saw was my parents that acted exactly like the main characters parents

and myself, as the main character.

and it's crazy because i've thought about just leaving to go live in the wild and not care about any stupid humanity shit.

if you know me well as a person, you will know that i always talk about wishing to be a wild animal, and not having to care about school, politics, dating, etc...

luckily guys, i'll probably never end up leaving.

i'm way too much of a pussy.

i went off topic. all i originally wanted to write about was how scott introduced me as "real smart"

alright alright alright

i'm going to do some studying while watching this new series i have "amazing planet" it's some good nat geo shit, bruhhhhhhhhhhh

1Love

confused

i don't understand why i get so lonely. i have 2 room mates that are literally 10 feet away, and other friends that i could just call, and would hang out with me in a heart beat. but i just don't feel calling anyone.

am i depressed?

i could be.

to be honest, i don't really know what the difference is between being depressed and being sad. is there even a difference? is depression just being sad all the time?

but i'm not sad, just lonely.

maybe i need a girlfriend.

wait, cross that. initials e.d. kinda ruined me wanting to have a girlfriend anymore.

unless the girl can prove to me that i wont lose my individuality, i'm not down.

i like being single. but why am i always so fucking lonely?

maybe because my schools is rural and there is literally nothing to fucking do??

i'm gonna accept that. i blame my school.

lol this makes me feel even more connected to albert einstein, with his quote... "why is it that i'm so popular worldwide, but still so lonely?"

that's how i feel, minus the worldwide popularity.

i'm gonna buy his book from amazon, and learn how to reject what we think consider reality even more.

1Love

this current tuesday's tuesday morning

my room mates were loud the night before with their new video game they got at midnight, so i didn't fall completely asleep until like 4am.

my 1st alarm goes off at 5:15.

I turn the 5 alarms that would of gone off between 5:15 and 6:15, and fall back asleep.

my next alarm goes off at 6:15

i snooze until 6:45. i don't care how loud my alarm is to my room mates, they kept me up all night when they knew i had an 8am class.

at 6:45 i grab my phone and look at facebook status's until i feel i'm actually ready to pull my lanky ass out of bed.

it's 6:50 when i decide to get out of bed, i open my closet to throw the underwear i wore to bed and the sock off the floor that i cummed in the previous night, into my hamper.

i grab a towel and walk straight to my shower.

i turn my shower on, and i instantly have to go pee.

i don't know why, but instead of peeing in the toilet, i hold it while dancing up and down until the water gets hot enough.

i start peeing not right when i get in the shower, but while i'm getting in the shower, and i get a little on my shower curtain. this pisses me off a lot, and i make note to make sure i get soap on that area as i clean myself.

i apply shampoo.

it's not until after i shampoo my hair when i do my heavy thinking.

after about 10 minutes or so of heavy thinking, i re-apply shampoo. Although knowing i already did, my OCD has a greater impact on me than trusting my memory.

i realize this shower is taking too long.

i quickly put on conditioner, followed by body wash.

i make sure i get that area i peed on my curtain to be covered in soap.

i turn off my shower and dry off. my towel smells like bleach. i love that smell.

once dry, i hang my towel up and walk out of my bathroom naked.

while naked...

i put hair product on

brush my teeth

use mouth wash

check my email

and chug a boost from the fridge.

i could careless if anyone sees me naked, especially my room mates. they are way passed used to seeing me naked.

i don't put underwear on until i sit down on my computer chair

i sit down and go on facebook.

i send niels a picture and realize it's around 7:15

i close my computer, knowing that once i close it at any time, it automatically turns a password on, so it's safe from my room mates trying to steal my videos of any sort.

i then put deodorant on, followed by 2 shots of tommy hilfiger smell on my lower neck.

i put a pair of ankle socks on next

i then pick out which shirt will go best with the brown cords i want to wear today.

i don't put the cords on yet, because if i find a really good shirt that goes better with different pants, then i'll go with that.

i end up finding my navy blue v neck, that of which i decide goes well enough with the brown cords.

i don't know why i care about my shirt so much. i already know i'm going to be wearing a sweat shirt over it the whole day anyways.

i put my outfit on, followed by a dark grey hoodie, and my blue shoes

a throw a bottle of water in my backpack, and look at the time, 7:30.

perfect timing.

i leave my apartment and walk to class knowing i'll get there at 7:45 and i'll be the 1st one there until around 7:50.

i like that feeling.

and not even to show the teacher i care, because he doesn't get there until more people are there anyways. i just like that alone time in the room to settle in, get my notes, packets, and textbook out, take a sip of water, and make the choice of looking of the reading from the previous nights, or play around on my iphone. since we didn't have any readings given from the last class, i play on my iphone.

i play tris (tetris).

to me, this is very metatetive.

it gets my mind no thinking so hard for once.

i don't stop playing until class actually starts at 8:00.

i guess you could say it's a defense mechanism, as well, since i don't really know too many people in that class to talk to.

class then starts, and i no longer consider it the morning.

1LOVE x69

last weekend

i had a very interesting weekend. i'll try my best to walk through it step by step.

ok, it started on thursday, since one of teachers quite, i don't have class on fridays anymore.

so after my last class on thursday (around 4pm) i drove home.

i got home around 6ish, and just hung out with my mom and sister the rest of the night.

my mom cooked artichokes :)!!!!!!!!!! like my alll time favorite, and she also cooked this lamb roast, which was exquisite.

my sister never actually made it downstairs in time to see me before i went to bed. she was awake, but it takes her literally 3-7 hours to get dressed, brush her teeth, wash her hands, kill any bugs she sees (while saying "DIE DIE" as she squishes them) and sanitize anything she feels is dirty (which is usually everything in her bathroom).

as i finally go to sleep that night, i'm awakened by my sister's loud antics, while she's oblivious to everyone else sleeping in the house.

all i hear is "Puddy" (how she says polly), "Momma!" (just like a helpless little girl crying for her mom to bring her food), or "Scarrrrrrrrrrra" (how she says her Guinea Pig's name, Sara).

the next day, friday, i don't wake up until around 4pm. i check my phone to realize my dad had called me several times to see if i'm going to some event of his, other than this fucked up "life warming" party on saturday. i just texted him saying sorry i couldn't make it. by the time i take a shower, masterbate, take 2 poops, eat a shit load of food, and masterbate again, my mom comes home.

i help her make pizza. the pizza was really good. she uses these italian sausages from trader joe's that are sooooooooo good.

we eat the pizza while watching forgetting sarah marshall. (my sister fast asleep during all of this from being awake for a whole 7 hours in the middle of the night.

while watching the movie, i'm getting constantly called by niels, kris, and salimatu.

it was wasn't that i didn't want to talk, but the fact that i wanted to hang out with my mom as much as i could before i went to niels's house in cp that same night.

once the movie is over, i head over to niels's house

while driving, i call my dad and kris. i tell my dad sorry again for not making it tonight and asking him what time to go to his party on saturday, since i never looked at the paper.

i tell kris i'll try my best to visit her and salimatu on campus, even though i know i'm going to have to pick up emily from her house with niels and then start drinking right away.

little did i know, kris was planing on coming to niels house once i came to visit everyone on campus. so i fucked up on that part. sorry kris, i didn't know.

anyways, i make it to niels house and ryan saar, colin, lily, some girl i don't know, elizabeth i think, emily olsen, and niels are there. ryan and elizabeth are already drunk, and aparently colin doesn't drink at all anymore. i'm sure he's joking though. there is no way colin wolud just stop like that.

well niels and i start taking shots right away. i take 4 real fast by myself before niels is able to get his 1st one poured. we take like 2 together with emily next.

now tipsy, i start acting my usual out of control/gay self.

here is a list of gay things i end up doing this night

1 kiss on the lips every guy there

2 tongue kiss niels

3 ryan's bare penis was placed in my hand

4 various drunk 69 wrestling with niels and ryan (lol we smacked his naked body so hard)

now all of the sudden colin and lily have to leave, and they take ryan with them. niels are emily are no where to be found. i call and text both of them to see if they are ok, but no answer. even though i cared a lot, i was too drunk to care my fullest. so i end up taking more shots by myself. i lay down on the couch while watching so rap videos on-demand, when elizabeth comes almost stumbling out, to fall on the couch right next to me. at this point i might as well of been blacked out, because apparently we hooked up, but i have no recognition of this ever happening. lol i'm sorry if you ever read this, elizabeth.

anyways, the fact that i don't remember doesn't bother me, nor the fact that i probably would not of hooked up with ever sober. i've made way worse decisions with girls when i'm drunk before.

to be honest, i was much more fazed by how gay i acted. that was by far the gayest i've ever acted.

anyways, i wake up on colins bed, and am extremely disgusted. being his old room mate, i know what happens to his bed. i get up right away and continue sleeping on the couch.

i wake up around 11, and let niels (who happened to be in the basement the whole time i was worried) and everyone else know i have to head home, and then i take off.

i throw up out my window, while i'm driving on the way home.

this has never happened to me before. i actually think it was from a shit load of pizza i ate real fast in the morning, rather than from being hungover.

once i get home, i go straight to my bed and go back to sleep. i wake up around 4pm again.

i talk to my mom as much as i can. i find out she's going to see an orchestra at strathmore. yes! this makes me so happy, knowing that while i'm at my dad's party, she will be doing something she loves away from staying depressed while at home. i'm very happy.

she ends up leaving for that before i leave for my dads party. she always looks so beautiful when she goes to these events.

once she goes, i leave shortly later.

oh, i must add that my sister is still fast asleep here. she must of been up for a few hours while i was at niels house, so i'm sure she's beat from all the work she had to do (consisting of feeding her bunnies and herself).

i get to my dad's house about 45 minutes late. i didn't really care about being late to this.

i get there and realize i'm super under dressed lol. everyone is wearing dresses and suits and ties. i laughed little bit when i realized this. i'm wearing cords and a v neck lol.

there are probably like 100 people at this party. most are beths family and friends. my grand parents where there though! i was so excited to see them! i haven't seem them in like a year (a long time for me). i give both of them a big hug. lol my grand father took his hearing aids out the whole party so he wouldn't hear anything. haha, what a great idea!

i spend most of my time with my brother and his wife lisa. i look up to both of them a lot. i find out lisa had quite a crazy night as well, the night before.

we carrying on to make fun of ridiculous outfits people are wearing, as well has how big my dad and beth's house is for just the two of them, it's so ridiculous. not to mention there is not a bit of individuality. lol, every single room is the same off white color. my brother and lisa always find that extremely amusing. but hey, my dad's happy, and despite how much more i'm there for my mom, at least i know my dad id living a happy life. i'm so glad that i live with my mom though; not to mention where every room is a different and unique bold color. they vary from being very warm, to very cool and fun.

anyways, i leave my dads place at around 10ish, and head straight to niels's house in gaithersburg. this is by far the highlight of my weekend.

andy hood, spiros, courtney, lila, kris, niels, adrian, and wes are there! whaaaaaaat! just seeing everyone together like that made me feel very very happy. it just reminds me that i have great friends that still exist, outside of my boring walled off frostburg life.

we watch like 5 episodes of curb!

wes goes home first, followed by adrian and myself at around 1:30am. gwendy was very happy to see me aswell. it was great seeing her. i ate like 15 lollipops while i am there, too. kirs complimented me for how i smelled, my shoes, and my outfit. all 3 were great boosts of confidence for me. it also helps me not lose my urban style while i'm at frostburg for long periods of time. thank you kris! your compliments always mean more then you think.

i get home, and my sister is finally awake. i say hello, and she starts telling me some story about one of her bunnies jumping, or something like that. I just say cool, since i'm exhausted at this point.

my mom still isn't home yet. she's so cool.

she get's home around 2am. she said she went to grab a drink with some guy after the show. good for her!

we chat a little, and both explain to my sister the reason why we are going to bed, since she is obnoxiously asking the both of us why we are going to bed right when we get home, without hanging out with her. we explain that we woke up like normal people and 2am is far past when anyone should still be awake. my sister doesn't really understand. i just close my door and pass right out.

30 minutes later, i'm awakened by texts from my room mate scott.

here is what they say:

scott: "peteeeeeeeee i'm sorrry, man. i brought a girl home the other night and we both puked over everything, all over the apartment"

me:"SCOTT WTF DID YOU FUCKING DO??!? SHIT DIDN'T GET ON MY SIDE OF THE APARTMENT OR IN MY BATHROOM, RIGHT???!?!"

scott: "fuck you, man. it got over fucking EVERYTHING, and i got fined $200 to have the cleaning people clean it all"

me: oh my fucking god dude. i'm going to bed. i'll deal with your non respectful ass tomorrow.

I then pass out.

i wake up at around 9am

my mom made a bunch of pancakes, and bacon! we eat breakfeast together and watch the many birds outside. we even get to see a coopers hawk, right in our backyard. vary rare!

she packs me up some food, and i head back to school, and she heads out to yoga. my sister is very asleep this early in the morning. i just told my mom to tell her i said bye.

i get to school around noon.

as i'm walking through my apartment buildings hallway, i'm so nervous to see my apartment, and how much scott fucked up.

i walk in to see everything looking perfectly fine. ok cool.

scott's awake and he said that they had to use 3 things of bleach and it took 5 hours to clean all the puke out of the apartment. i ask him if him of this girl puked in my bathroom. he said he did all over.

ohhhhhhh my god. where they seriously that drunk?? how unresponsible can one person be??

i clean my bathroom with lysol, even though it "looks" clean, i know it's not clean to my standards.

so i clean that for like 20 minutes.

i see a couple of my friends of playing beach volleyball in the courtyard of my apartment building.

i join them.

although, it's fustrating playing volleyball with people who don't know how to play, i still had a lot of fun.

i go back inside and shower all the sand off me.

i then to go to this lake in forstburg to take pictures. i get a couple good shots of a beautiful sun set. all the people i see there, are always nothing but extremely nice to me. everyone waves to me, and a few old nature loving couples even stopped to talk to me about various things in nature they were interested in. i tend to know a lot about all nature, so i usually can have a conversation about just about anything in the subject.

i head back to my apartment once it's dark.

jose gets home around 7pm

he's actually more pissed about how unrespectful scott was over the weekend, because scott pried open his door and messed around in what jose thought was locked, room.

the rest of the night is boring.

i got to bed early and wake up early the next day.

i'm sorry this is the most boring blog i've ever written.

i took a different approach to writing this one.

this was more what i PHYSICALLY did, rather than how i emotionally/mentally feel in my mind.

if you actually read all of this, i'm sorry i suck.

1LOVE!!!

take the stairs

fucking pisses me off so much when i see either fat fucks, preppy bitchs, or anyone else who have two fucking legs that work, taking the elevator to get to the 3rd floor of my apartment building. how lazy and ungrateful can someone be, that they need a machine to take them to the 3rd fucking floor?!?

if anyone of these lazy elevator riders were to ever be put in a wheelchair, i promise that if they were ever able to walk again, they would be so solely appreciative of their ability to walk, that they would go out of their way to find stairs, instead of taking elevators.

those 2 girls across the hall from me, take the elevator every fucking time! like wtf. when i used to be kinda cool with them, and we would be walking out of our apartment together, they would always try to make me take the elevator with them. i never did. i'm glad i didn't either. lol i made them take the stairs with me once, and they complained the whole way up (only 3 floors).

i have no idea what i'm trying to get at here...

i guess, just be thankful for the things we take for granted everyday.

be a leader and take the stairs every opportunity you can. you never know when you wont have the ability to make this choice...

lol i like that say anything makes fun of crap bands

there are babies with guns beheading their friends in shopping malls around the world. yet somehow the kings of leon still have time to write songs about girls. i don't suck much less. at least those dudes have no illusions of angst and hopelessness.

-mara and me

"do better"

drink alone and watch tv. you're expecting harmonies to tap your tune with silver spoons, anthem of impending doom. guiding satan's steady hand. forcing beatles to disband. it's ego freaks and drama queens. the young at heart know what i mean.

my boy albert einstein

i recently realized the identical intellectual similarities behind albert einstein's and my own thoughts. it amazes me that i was just pondering these same ideas...

"I do not believe in immortality of the individual, and I consider ethics to be an exclusively human concern with no superhuman authority behind it."

"I am a deeply religious nonbeliever - this is a somewhat new kind of religion."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

"Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death. "

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity. "

"Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better. "

"Morality is of the highest importance - but for us, not for God. "

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. "

"The environment is everything that isn't me. "

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. "

"True religion is real living; living with all one's soul, with all one's goodness and righteousness. "

"We still do not know one thousandth of one percent of what nature has revealed to us. "

and my favorites and what i find most similar to my own thoughts...

1. "I'm not an atheist. The problem involved is too vast for our limited minds. We are in the position of a little child entering a huge library filled with books in many languages. The child knows someone must have written those books. It does not know how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. The child dimly suspects a mysterious order in the arrangement of the books but doesn't know what it is. That, it seems to me, is the attitude of even the most intelligent human being toward God. We see the universe marvelously arranged and obeying certain laws but only dimly understand these laws."

2. "As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."

happy

my mind is such a cluster fuck. i'm tired of my classes being so deep thinking. it can get very depressing. likeeeeeeeee all i pretty much learn about is how much the human race sucks so much dick. i mean humans do suck pretty hardcore, but it's the simple things that i'm going to start doing again, which make me happy. like skateboarding. i miss that shit. and when i skate, i don't have a fucking care in the world, and i'm not hating anyone. i need to save the hatred for humans, but also continue to enjoy the finer things in life that make me sane.

besides, i think the reason of life is to find happiness. so whatever that may be for me, i'm going to find it.

here's how i see myself completely happy and satisfied with life in the future...

-living in a row house in an urban environment

-i have a cool science related job where i don't have to deal with a lot of people, like NOAA or USGS. orrrrrr i would take being a lobbyist for some sort of environmental organization like the sierra club or the epa, or something like that.

-having a relationship/ being married is not important to me. I would be happy single or married

-i want my city that i live in close to nature. so i'm thinking like boulder, co. or denver. maybe somewhere in oregon. i'm not sure. i would settle on boston or new york, as long as i live near by central park or a big type of park along the same lines.

-i want to have my phd. and i will of wanted to go to a grad school that i can be proud to speak of. like i wanna hang my colleges flag out my window and be proud of it.

-i want to live in walking distances to unique coffee shops and cool places like that.

lol, after reading what i want to be happy, it seems like all i truly want is to live in the perfect city. i will find it. i don't care if it's not in the united states. i'm planning on moving to that city 1st, then finding my carrier there. i'm not going to take whatever job is thrown at me once i'm done with school. if i'm not going to be happy, what's the point. the mission in life is to find happiness, and i'll only find it in my perfect living environment.

so can you guys help me find this place i'm searching of???????? i feel like it is boulder, just from what i've heard from the lykke family.