too many 69's

one more fucking exam. i've down graded from a possible 4.0, to a possible 3.6. damn it. what ever, it's still deans list. fuck school. i talked to jose for like a good 2 hours today. that was nice, because i haven't talked to him 1 on 1 in awhile. scott was at the bar. but we talked about how much scott is fucking up, and we are worried about him. apparently he hasn't gone to any of his classes since the beginning of october. yo, wtf. i would wake up everyday during his class times, just to encourage him to go to class. he would come up with a lie every time about how he didn't have to go that day. i even made him a study guide for one of his exams. he lied and said he studied, and then didn't even go to the final. whatever. you can take a horse to the pond, but you can't make it drink .

scott reminds me of my sister. i'm super confused about my sisters situation though. like i don't know what it's like to go through heroin withdraw, so it's hard to push her to get off the methadone program. she told me that she would rather die, live a whole 2nd life, and then die again, then to go through heroin withdraw again. so it's sounds pretty insane.

but she's only awake for 4 out of the 7 days a week. and she's only up to feed her bunnies, and to get her next weeks dose of methadone. so it's like she's not even living anyways. so is it worth being on methadone? i just feel like she needs that one little push from someone. well if my fucking parents weren't divorced, my father would be more forceful with her situation (since his brother was an ex heroin addict as well), and make her get off the program within a certain deadline. i don't know if that would be a good approach though. but hey, look at the bright side, she's not doing heroin on the streets. at least she's safe.

holy fuck, to make matters worse, my dad was like christmas eve carl and lisa are coming over to dinner, and i would really like for you to come too. wellllllllllll, we have king crabs legs at mom's house every christmas eve! you know this, because you lived here two years ago. i told this too him too. he was like "this is just the way i'm doing it. but i won't be hurt if you decide to eat with your mother instead". after i ended the conversation in a nice manner, i started freaking out. i hate the whole concept of "choosing" which parent to eat with. i knew if i called my mom to ask her, she would start crying. my plan is to either try to convince one of them to eat at an earlier time, or just freak the fuck out and go in some woods and take pictures. i just hope they both end up happy. i don't really care how much schlepping i have to do, as long as they are both happy.

wow, i'm sorry this shit is depressing as shit. don't worry. i'm super happy right now. and very thankful.

1Loves x69